I thought I had learned every magic trick you had up your sleeve,
That you could never fool me,
But then I realized I had fallen in love with you,
And I wasn’t sure if it was another one of your magic tricks.
Novopapel
I don’t think you know how many laps you’ve done around my head. And You walk there late at night and i stare into your eyes. you do nothing and i fall in love with you. thats the thing about me. show me your eyes and my heart with fall for you faster than the speed of light. you’re so beautiful. and i wont lie about how attractive you are. just because i’m writing poetry about you does not mean i’m only in love with your mind. i’m in love with your body, with your face, and that ever lasting smile. you had me when you smiled. i loved your nose and your eyes, your fingers. the way you feel. i think its safe to say all these things because you’re slipping away from me and if i cant get you back then i might as well say all these things because i wont be ashamed. i don’t want my words to woo your heart into falling back in love with me, i want who i am to do so. i loved admiring you. i loved staring at you laugh. i loved looking into your eyes. i loved being around you even when we sat next to each other in silence. i’m nothing that you want. i’m not cute nor adorable. my common compliment is pretty and it has never passed that. i’m not small. i don’t have a cute laugh. i’m lanky and weird and take up space. i’m immature at certain times and i am not entertaining at all. i don’t make you want to be around me. i don’t sway with your heart. i don’t do all the things she does to you. i’m not allowed to be out past 8 because my mother does not trust the night. i’m not an artist. i don’t sing melodies. i don’t have a great smile. i’m nothing attractive, i’m nothing good. i’m skinny enough so that you can see my bones at certain times. i’m nothing good. maybe that’s why shes there instead of me. maybe that’s why shes in your arms instead of me. i’ve herd enough rumors to break my heart, and for some reason i still stayed. they say to never believe rumors, but when i saw more pictures of you and her, than of you and me, i think that was enough proof that i was never the one you wanted. i never want to be number two. i never want to be hurt ever again. i don’t want to feel my jaw tensed or my heart slow its pace. i don’t want to feel my arms be weak ever again. but oh my god i’m here, and i’m missing you more than anything. you made me feel like i was iridescent, but you also made me feel like i was the dimmest light. i was in love with who you were and what you did. i was impressed with what you could do at the click of a button. i admired you the most. i did all the things you didn’t want me to do because i was jealous. because i wasn’t your first choice. because i was so insecure. because you told me i was the greatest thing in your life, and you only spoke words. that’s why things have gone to hell. never in the world would i have the balls to tell you what the real worry was. because you weren’t mine. because i wasn’t your home. and all your girlfriends cheated on you and i wanted to fix you. but then you told me how you didn’t believe in an us. how could you tell me i was so special but tell me you didn’t believe in there being an us? that’s when i got the hint to start acting like i could care less but for some reason i started caring more. because that’s who i am, i care more. more than you’ll ever want me to. so all your exes left you in ruins and maybe i was next in line and i was trying to build you back up, but what they did to you i felt like you were doing to me, and you ended up leaving me in ruins. and all i can think about is the fact that maybe you’ll never read this and never see what i have to say, but i would’ve never cheated on you. i was going to stick by your side and when the time came have you break my heart because i cant break a single one. and right now all i can think about is the fact that we let go of things that are good for us because they don’t suit us but did you ever realize that the things we might need are the things we don’t want? and all i want to do right now is going into that big city we call home and knock on that door and tell you all the things i’m writing in this stupid italic font. but i wont. because i’m scared you’ll push me away even more and think i’m crazy in love with you but the reality is that you cant put a flower in the dark when its so used to the sun and that’s why i’m not over you, because you put me in the dark and i’m still growing for you. and my stomach burns just to hear from you but i’ve stopped messaging you because i know you’re so tired of me and ill get rid of me for you. i have so many run on sentences but just like this sum of words my feelings run on for you. and i knew i couldn’t say this in person because i tend to mess things up with my mouth so i let my fingers show you what i feel in this amount of words. and guess how many i’ve typed so far.
Novopapel